As a Jedi
Yes, Star Wars came back, but there was still the matter of those damned Prequels, whose deadly dialogue continued to haunt writers across the universe. But a plan to fix them, I had.
By turning the films into fresh foreign movies, featuring the Chinese soundtrack paired with all-new English subtitles, I was free to rewrite the films–and hopefully save the galaxy–as the force moved me.
In this Episode... The opening title crawl won't confuse you. Qui-Gon becomes a true believer. Jar Jar gets a noble purpose. The Sith Lord surprises everyone. Anikan grows up. Padme starts calling the shots. Jabba talks like a real gangster should. The Pod Race is the blood sport it always wanted to be. And... "The Phantom Menace" finally starts to make sense as a title.
In this Episode... The opening title crawl continues to make sense. The theme of choice comes into play. Anikan and Padme become a plausible couple. Jar Jar is still clueless, but Yoda definitely knows something is up. Samuel Jackson gets his bad-ass back. Dooku is less of a Doofus. Clones show droids how to fight. People that shouldn't get married, do. And... Obi-Wan stays awesome.
In this Episode... The ever-coughing General Grevious get a prognosis. Anakin's whining starts to pass as real angst. Everyone lies to everyone, or do they? Padme flies to the lava planet to call her man out. Anakin and Obi-Wan say less silly things as they skip across the river of fire. And... we're all set for Episode IV. Or Rogue One. Or whichever is supposed to come next...